Metal Retardation
by Trevor Portz
Staff Writer
For those unfamiliar with his work, Bill Zebub has been sarcastically eviscerating metal bands since 1993, when he began publishing the irreverent, yet extremely metal ‘zine, Grimoire of Exalted Deeds. Well-known to metalheads, especially those who make the annual trek to Wisconsin for the Milwaukee Metalfest, Bill has become a staple of the metal scene. His offbeat interviewing style—at its best making all-too-serious metal gods come off as not only mere mortals, but often as goofy metal geeks—may not always be highbrow, but it does do an excellent job of stripping away the dark veneer that surrounds most headbangers, revealing their inner goofball. One of Bill’s latest projects is Metal Retardation, a 90-minute montage of interviews and performances by some of extreme metal’s most elite artists.
The DVD opens with a sadly necessary warning about the overt use of sarcasm contained therein (directed at the poseurs who take metal far too seriously), though it’s sad to think that anyone wouldn’t immediately understand Bill’s style. From then on, we are shown bits and pieces of interviews with a slew of extreme metal stalwarts conducted over the years, at various times and in various places. Rarely staying on any one subject for more than a question or two, things instead bounce around from band to band, artist to artist, occasionally in a thematic fashion, but generally in a more random fashion. At first this may seem a bit of a directorial faux pas, but it ends up working quite well, as it keeps things moving and balances the more interesting and humorous interviewees with the dull. The interviews are also interspersed with a handful of live performances, including Turisas and Finntroll tracks recorded at the B.B. King Blues Club in NYC, and there’s even a vintage King Diamond track to close out the disc.
Though standout moments may differ for each watcher depending on band preferences, several clips stand out above the rest. Constant attempts to coax George “Corpsegrinder” Fisher to sing “Mary Had a Little Lamb” are priceless, with Bill even going as far as telling George that “Chris Barnes never had this problem with timing” (Cannibal Corpse fans will understand this dis). The resulting attempt at the song is funny, but having Corpsegrinder call Bill a “dingleberry” (very death metal) is arguably even better.
Other highlights include getting King Diamond to prance around his hotel room impersonating an effeminate Snowy Shaw, trying to convince Finntroll to add Riverdance to their ever-growing stage ensemble, being told of the time Enslaved’s Grutle Kjellson accidentally kicked the shit out of a crippled fan, and Bill’s attempts to explain to a member of Turisas (from Finland) that the Japanese are cannibals since they enjoy eating shark “fins.” Of course, this last joke doesn’t play out so well, as there is a noticeable language barrier that prevents total understanding on the part of the interviewee.
This actually brings up an interesting, albeit surely unintentional revelation garnered from Metal Retardation. The vast majority of the interviews are conducted with bands for whom English is not a first language (Bill himself is Czech), yet almost all are not only comfortable conversing in English, but happen to be extremely well spoken. This is in contrast to several of the American band members, who come off as unlikely to have even completed high school. Not to come off as anti-American, but it is a sad commentary on the state of US education versus that of most other countries. Perhaps the DVD title is more appropriate than it at first seemed.
Seriousness aside, though, Metal Retardation is a helluva lot of fun. It’s nice to know that there are others out there that are metal to the core, but also enlightened enough to see the ridiculousness of many of the genre’s aspects. If anyone doesn’t think “King Diamond upside-down cross dresses” isn’t an awesome quote, they have no business giving the horns.
Label: Bill Zebub Productions
Web: www.metalretardation.com
Hardrock Haven rating: 7.4/10