Agathocles This Is Not a Threat, It’s a Promise
by Trevor Portz
Staff Writer
For grind fans, Agathocles can certainly be seen as a band of grindcore forefathers. Since 1985, before the term grindcore (or mincecore, as they have deemed themselves) was even created, these Belgians have been spewing out 30-second bursts of political noise with reckless abandon. 26 years may have passed, and while it’s great to know that such an important band is still rolling, This Is Not a Threat, It’s a Promise (or TINATIAP for “short”) is also a brash illustration of just how little the band has grown over the years.
TINATIAP is, without question, grindcore 101.
Lesson 1: Keep most songs under a minute long.
Lesson 2: Keep the downtuned riffs extremely simple.
Lesson 3: Make sure the lyrics are angrily political.
Lesson 4: Keep the production muddy, the playing sloppy, and the vocals entirely untranslatable.
Few grind bands can deny making a record like this. Of course, over the years, the style’s evolved a bit. More intricate guitar work, song speed variance, good production—all have wormed their way in. It’s these things that have kept grind interesting. While something can be said for “keeping it old school,” TINATIAP sometimes feels more like the output of a band limited by its talent rather than one fighting the urge to conform.
With that in mind, there’s not a lot to praise musically. The riffs are mostly simple power-chord progressions that show virtually no variance from song to song. They are played relatively slowly, leaving the drums to do the fast work. As would be expected, the drums radiate between blasts and punk beats, but the tempo waivers so much you’ll be screaming for a click track. Not that a band like this should (or could) spend millions “fixing” every beat, but there’s also no need to sound amateur.
Despite its many shortcomings, there are some high points to be found. “Bits and Chips” is punky grindcore bliss. “Gaszilla” and “Aside” show that the band is capable of creating longer, interesting songs at less than breakneck speeds. “God Save the Green Crocodile” is funny three-chord pop punk grind with clean vocals, a reggae breakdown, and even hand claps. If ever there were a chance for an Agathocles mainstream “hit,” this could be it.
Overall, This Is Not a Threat, It’s a Promise is a record made by a band seemingly frozen in time. It just as easily could have been released it 1992 as 2011. Sure, all grind fans love to delve into the archives and crank up the albums that made the genre what it is today. There are many a gritty, sloppy, drug-fueled album worth reminiscing to. It’s nice to know, though, that (as with many styles), some necessary refinements have crept in over the years. Too bad Agathocles didn’t answer the door.
Genre: Mincecore
Band:
Jan Frederickx
Nils Laureys
Bram Criekemans
Track Listing:
1. Black Tea
2. Houses of Fraud
3. Straight Lane
4. Bits and Chips
5. Reduce the Pain, Refuse the Gain
6. People’s Property
7. Gaszilla
8. Soap and Joke
9. Hyvää Paivää
10. Financial Cris-Ass
11. Motherfucker (Swing That Axe)
12. Go With a Blow
13. Monkey Business
14. Troops of Rhumania
15. Cut Off
16. God Save the Real Green Crocodile
17. Fangs Feasting on Funds
18. Cleptocracy
19. De Kiezer Heeft Nooit Gelijk
20. Aside
21. Ulkopuolinen
22. Stuck@Dumb.Com
23. More Patches than Brains
24. Gallows Eve
25. After the Battle
26. Will Gone, Lobotomy Done
27. Manipulotiek
Label: Displeased
Website: www.agathocles.com
Hardrock Haven rating: 4.8/10