Blitzkid : Apparitional

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by Trevor Portz
Staff Writer

Like the pseudo Goths that sit around in coffee shops discussing how sad life is before hopping into their brand new hybrids and heading to their McMansions in the hills, wanting for absolutely nothing, horror-punk as a genre has become little more than a joke. Sure, the Misfits and the Cramps had tongues firmly in cheeks when writing songs like “Braineaters” and “Bikini Girls With Machine Guns,” but there was also an honesty, darkness and aggression that seems to have gone the way of the drive-in movie. Now, all we’re left with is a slew of bands that dress the part (thanks Hot Topic), but play nothing more than modern radio “punk” with “dark” lyrics. Seriously, this is about as scary as the Haunted Mansion ride at Disneyland.

Enter Blitzkid, and their newest album, Apparitional. Has a band finally emerged to salvage the genre and revisit its former glory?

No.

Instead, we get another horror-punk band putting out another horror-punk album. Yep, it’s another batch of simple, generic pop-punk songs that the Offspring would doubtfully even have considered for b-side status. But give them names like “The Awakening,” (not the Alice Cooper classic) “The Bat Whispers,” and “Casque of Amontillado” (a song so cheesy that it ends up being scarier than the Poe story for which it’s named), and somehow zillions of teeny-boppers in patent leather, face paint, and Hello Kitty gear will start writhing in pleasure. It’s enough to make anyone consider suicide.

But with all of that negativity, does Apparitional offer anything remotely worth listening to? Unfortunately, not really. The songs are too simple to deem the band members talented, the vocals are second-rate, Elvis-inspired punk crooning without any passion, and as noted earlier, if you can manage to ignore the forced horror motifs, the songs are still essentially uncreative throwaways. Even “Jane Doe #9,” their obligatory attempt at a 50s-style rock ballad, sounds like the well-meaning but ultimately clueless cousin of the new Misfits’ “Saturday Night.”

Ok, the album cover is pretty cool. So there’s that.

If you want good horror punk, steer clear of Blitzkid. If you’re burned out on the classics, try Todd Youth’s excellent Son of Sam, A.F.I. pre-Sing the Sorrow, or Jerry Only’s darlings, Osaka Popstar. At the very least, they’ll tide you over until someone finally resurrects the genre in a way that isn’t just the haunted Jonas Brothers.

Genre: Horror Punk

Band:
Argyle Goolsby (b,v)
Nathan Bane (g,k)
Ricko Mortis (d)
Jo D (g)

Track Listing:
1. They’re All Dead
2. Head Over Hills
3. Blutsauger
4. The Awakening
5. Mr. Sardonicus
6. Mr. Gore
7. The Bat Whispers
8. Wretched
9. The Perfect Sleep
10. Moonlite Vein
11. Cedar Bluff
12. Jane Doe #9
13. Casque of Amontillado
14. The Iscariot
15. She Won’t Stop

Label: Century Media

Website: www.blitzkid.com

Hardrock Haven rating: 2/10