Top Johnny!
by Justin Gaines
Staff Writer
Just when you thought Steel Panther was the ultimate hair-metal parody band, here comes Top Johnny, a tongue-in-cheek send up of the big-hair days. Come on, what’s more hilarious than a rap-infused mash-up of Limp Bizkit and Poison?
Oh wait, these guys are serious. Damn. If this isn’t some kind of Meta/ironic joke, then it’s a sad, sad excuse for a rock album. Apparently, this band thought dumbing down Poison-style lyrics and adding funk and rap elements was just what the rock world needed. There’s nothing wrong with innuendo-laden sleaze rock if it’s done well. Dirty Penny and Crashdiet are proof of that. At least their brand of “cock rock” is fun. This is just embarrassing.
It’s a shame the album is so God-damned dumb because the band actually has the potential to make a decent cock rock record. T.J. Star has a solid, steady voice, and the guitar hooks and solos (Star again, plus Izzy Slater) are pretty sweet. There are even a couple of better-than-average rock songs, such as “Your Love Is Killing Me” and “Feel So Alive.” Unfortunately, they’re way overshadowed by inane rap-rock numbers such as “Bustin’ Loose” and “We Are Live” and just plain bad rock songs like “Bad Boy (For Loving You)” and “My X-Tasy.”
Sorry, but this is just painful. Go out of your way to avoid this one.
Online: www.topjohnny.com
Starbrite Productions
Lineup:
T.J. Star – Lead Vocals, Guitar, Synths
Karo – Bass, Vocals
Izzy Slater – Guitars, Vocals
Hitman – Drums
Track Listing:
1. Bad Boy (For Loving You)
2. Bustin’ Loose
3. Your Love Is Killing Me
4. Keep It Real
5. Out of Control
6. Love You Like an Animal
7. The Edge (Is Where the Action Is)
8. Feel So Alive
9. My X-Tasy
10. This Time
11. We Are Live
12. Ready 4 U
HRH Rating: 2/10